


What I've Done

by practicallygin



Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: Character Analysis, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lobotomy, gwendolyn is not amused, idk what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28780209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/practicallygin/pseuds/practicallygin
Summary: An insight into what Gwendolyn has been thinking about during Doctor Hanover's first Lobotomy scene.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	What I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> I never meant to post this and only meant to keep it on my blog but I guess I might as well share it on here because don't we all deserve more of Gwendolyn?

A genius, she has truly believed him to be a genius. A man who would be revolutionary for modern medicine, a promise to cure currently incurable diseases. It has been macabre enough when he mentioned he was about to cure juvenile daydreaming, melancholia, and dementia but things take a whole different turn when he mentions lesbianism.

_Lesbianism_ . A mental disorder women need to be cured from.

Where a smile has set moments ago, it falls slowly, the faintest of frowns appearing on her face. Dear God, how can he believe it is something you need to cure. As if you are less human for loving another woman; or, as a matter of fact, a man loving another man. 

Gwendolyn feels sick the more she thinks about it. It might as well have been herself who’s lying on the daybed, or worse, Trevor. Her good and sweet Trevor who is more innocent than a fly. Who has always helped in the years they have known each other. To think someone could try and take a part of himself from him, it was unbearable. 

But to think someone could try and take that part from herself, that is just a tad worse now that she thinks about it. Who would she be if they took it from her, made her into someone she wasn’t? She might have already been living a fake life, but at least in this life she still has the chance to live as the woman she is. A woman who loves other women, who is proud of it, who doesn’t regret it for a second. Long as she remembers, it has always been part of her.

And the woman on the daybed, she is still so young, she doesn’t even have to experience it, to see the beauty of it. If Doctor Hanover succeeds it will be taken from her completely.

She weeps for the woman, prays that she will be alright. She weeps for the woman and the life lost that could have been her very own. If only she could show it.

How long has the frown been on her face? Has anyone noticed? Would anyone be able to tell what she has just been thinking about? Her eyes look to her left and her right, repeat it twice, very slowly. No one seems to have paid attention to her at all. And why would they? She’s not the main attraction. She’s not the one who has been promised to be cured within as little as a quarter of an hour.

_ It is wrong. So wrong. _

But Gwendolyn is ever the professional and puts on a fake smile. The one she would always give to Governor Wilburn. The one so many colleagues and other politicians would see from the good press secretary Gwendolyn.

With her newly gained countenance, Gwendolyn straightens her back a little more, leaning back in her seat as if to get away from the scene in front of her. She turns her head just enough to look over to the nurses, one in particular. Nurse Ratched. The one nurse who caught her eye the moment she walked into the auditorium. 

Did she, too, think these actions to be cruel and a crime against humanity? The way she is carefully paying attention to his every movement tells her she might not see it that way but she might be mistaken. It could be medical curiosity still.

One way or another, Gwendolyn cannot bring herself to follow the procedure at all. Eyes not focussed on Doctor Hanover’s hands nor the head of the patient. the redhead tries to think of anything else to keep herself busy. Of sweet Trevor who would be safe and sound at home when she returns, with dinner ready and cheerfully telling her about his day in the office. 

Still, she cannot stop herself from thinking,  _** what have I gotten myself into. ** _


End file.
